Wholelottaauqanet

No, this isn't an action photo.

Nothing shapes our perspective of a person as much as hair. This is a photo of my wife that was taken two years ago. We were having fun with booze and hairspray. (Don't confuse the two). It takes about a full can of Aquanet and a twelve pack of Coors to charge twenty inches of hair. I highly recommend Aquanet for all your mohawking needs. It smells better than egg whites but doesn't have the staying power of glue.
Once upon a time, I was actually accosted in the mall by a little old lady because I had a mohawk. Nothing arouses fear, envy, and contempt like a mohawk. I simply told the old lady that I had enough social grace not to say anything about her homogenized blue hair. Enough of this, I've already written an essay about this story. If you'd like to learn more about it, let me know.
It hit me last night that I have really matured as a writer. Not because I finished editing my novel five times over. Not because of the degrees or teaching. Not the publications. Not the query letters and honing of my resume. No. The proof is that I have avoided using many cheap puns and cliches about hair and hair cutting. There's been a couple, but this is really a loaded subject. Just think about the name of your local salon. Hair We Are. Sophisticut. Snip in Time. Grateful Head. Eclips. Shear Envy. Even the chain stores are punny. (For more on this, with pictures to prove it, check out this page: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/the-best-and-worst-punny-hair-salon-names)
So, someday, years down the road, what will I name my shop? Well, that's a real head scratcher. (See the dangers I'm up against hear?). Ultimately, I want to live and work somewhere with a nice trout stream I can fish everyday. I got to thinking, I could keep a small selection of flies in my shop. Maybe even a small assortment of rods and reels. Why not? Something needs to accompany the decor, which will inevitably include a photo of a mountain lake and a stuffed trout. What else could I name this barber shop besides Hair on the Fly? Suggestions? The cheesier the better.
Just to keep you all abreast of the legitimates of my quest, I have secured funding for my program. For those of you who may consult this blog, as I consulted many pages myself as a person curious to figure out how to find money for a program that isn't eligible for financial aid, I must admit that my funds have been offered to me from my father. I am still going to apply for the few grants and scholarships available to me. See what happens. I'd like to pay my own tuition, but it is nice not having to worry about it. Thanks again, Dad. Free haircuts for as long as you have hair!