IF I DIDN'T HAVE A MILLION IDEAS, I WOULDN'T ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING.
IT TAKES A LOT OF LAWS TO MAKE US FREE
BLIND PEOPLE NEED GUNS TOO!
WHY IS THE SMARTEST ANIMAL ON THIS PLANET ALSO THE DUMBEST?
GOOD PILLS DON'T COME IN INDIVIDUAL PACKAGES
FIERCELY INDEPENDENT WITH THE HELP OF MY FRIENDS
CHILDREN ARE A PREVENTABLE DISEASE
YOU'RE NOT FULLY DRUNK UNTIL YOUR JAMESON DRUNK
ENVIRONMENTALISTS CREATE OVER-FUNDED GOVERNMENT JOBS
HAPPY AND IN HAWAII UNTIL I WAKE
DREAM IS MY FAVORITE STATE
SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE BLUE PILL
STAR IS MY FAVORITE KIND OF WAR
POT? DRINKING MORE WOULD BE GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY TOO!
GIVE A PERSON A FISH A DAY AND THEY'RE ON WELFARE,
TEACH THEM TO STEAL AND THEY'RE A POLITICIAN.
DON'T RUN WITH SCISSORS UNLESS YOU CAN CUT HAIR QUICKLY
VIOLENCE ISN'T THE ANSWER. IT JUST MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER.
NIHILISM. WHY NOT?
FEINTING IS MY FAVORITE KIND OF GOAT
GET BACK IN YOUR CAR AND COMPLAIN ABOUT MY SMOKING
WHAT COUNTRY CAN I SNEAK INTO AND MAKE 5 TIMES MY CURRENT SALARY?
DON'T BLAME ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS. BLAME THE CHEAPSKATES HIRING THEM.
I GOT A SCHOLARSHIP FOR BEING WHITE!
DOESN'T FALLACIO SOUND BETTER THAN *%$#ALINGUS?
DIDN'T THE RECRUITER TELL YOU ABOUT THE WAR?
IT'S ALL BENEFITS AND MONEY TIL YOU GET SHOT
EDUCATION IS ONLY A WASTE IF YOU PAY FOR IT
AN OUNCE OF IDEALISM WILL KILL MOST PEOPLE
THINK IT'S CRAZY NOW? TRY IT ON DRUGS
BE THE JERK YOU WISH TO AVOID IN THE WORLD
ANTIDEPRESSANTS? COULDN'T GET A MEDICAL CARD, HUH?
YOU'RE ONLY DEPRESSED BECAUSE YOU'RE ALIVE
BOOKS: THEY USED TO BE WORTH THE PAPER
PEOPLE: THEY'RE EVERYWHERE YOU WANT TO BE
DRILLING: IT'S EVERYWHERE YOU WANT TO HUNT
PUBLIC LAND...BEHIND THE PRIVATE PROPERTY
CHILDREN: THEY'RE OUR ONLY HOPE FOR RETIREMENT
FOX: CONSERVATIVE MEDIA, LIBERAL PROGRAMMING. HMM?
COLLEGE: IT'S ONLY A WASTE IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A CAREER
THIS ISN'T HELL. HERE YOU GET FALSE HOPE.
CYNIC: OPTIMIST WITH A FIRM GRIP ON REALITY
HOMEGROWN MUSTARD GAS. ORGANIC AGENT ORANGE.
SAVE THE TREES...FOR THE HOUSES
IF WE HAD WORLD PEACE, WE'D FEEL REALLY BAD WHEN THE METEOR GETS HERE
UNICORN? NOT IMPRESSED. SHOW ME THE PEGASUS.
ETHANOL? HELL YEAH. YOU CAN'T BUY A GALLON OF BOURBON FOR $4.00
DAMN IT! THERE'S A RIVER.
RELATIONSHIPS: EASIER GETTING IN THAN OUT
RETIREMENT IS WASTED ON THE OLD
SLEEP: THE ORIGINAL DRUG
TOOTHPICK? THEY'RE GOOD FOR EARS TOO!
ADULTS ARE CHILDREN WHO CAN DRINK AND DRIVE!
INCOMPETENCE: A DESTRUCTIVE TOOL WIELDED BY THE MANY
FAILURE: IT'S GOOD FOR EVERYONE
WHO'S STEERING THIS SPACESHIP?
HUMAN: ONE BULBOUS RED ASS AWAY FROM BEING THE UGLIEST SIMIAN
I DRINK SO MUCH I FORGET TO QUIT
PRISON: THINK OF IT AS A RETIREMENT FACILITY
WHO WOULD JESUS TEXT?
