Diablo Peso

My search for money has been as challenging as when I was making homemade, crab filled raviolis on Valentine's Day with two insistent cats wanting on the table. If I put my wife's car up for collateral, a bank will give me a personal loan that won't quite cover the cost of school, never mind books, food, scissors, and toilet paper. Then to make it sweeter, they would want to receive payments starting immediately. This whole personal loan thing is new to me, but it does seem asinine. Hypothetically, if I could get a larger loan, say I need 7K, I'd actually need to take 8K, so I could cover the cost and make the payment with the money they loaned me. Wow.
I didn't sit down to write a whiny complaint, but writing is cathartic, so I will continue. I've been looking for scholarships. I did find some specifically for barbering school, but most are in the amount of five hundred dollars. Free money is free money, but that's not going to cover it. These places brag about having granted a million dollars to students over the years. Why don't they take that kind of money, be a bit more selective, and give fewer students an amount of money that will make a substantial difference in their lives?
I've also looked for some general funding, but SURPRISE! nobody is giving money to straight, white, educated, childless, males. And if there was a grant for people who meet this criteria, the organization would be sued into another galaxy.
I've thought about turning to crime, but there are two drawbacks to this. 1, if I was good at it, that would be my job. I wouldn't spend the money on going legit. Barbers only average like 25K. I'd be big pimpin, buying sports cars, prostitutes, cocaine, and midget who juggles flaming stuffed bears. All the cliche stuff. 2, I can't afford a gun. The moral of the story? All trades take start up money.